I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
