Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
