her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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