so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
