I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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