True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize