in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
