you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
