if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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