words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
