we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
