Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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