apparently the secret to your success is patron
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize