Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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