just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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