Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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