I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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