1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My pussy is not your playground.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
