i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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