I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
