His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
