Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
