So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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