not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
