oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
