Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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