White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
