My first STD was from a foam party
I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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