Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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