there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
