He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
