So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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