his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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