just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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