You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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