i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
