just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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