Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
