im about as happy as oj after his trial
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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