HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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