STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
