No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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