I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
