We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
