can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
