You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
