I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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