Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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