I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
