then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
