allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
