dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
