In the future we'll all be gay
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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