i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
