I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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