I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
