it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
