Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
