apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
