can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
