I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
