I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
