I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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