there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
