a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
