youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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