I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
