Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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