Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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