You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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