everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
