you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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