they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
