its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
