mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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