when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
