He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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