I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
