im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
