Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
