he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
