No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
