Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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