When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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