I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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