Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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