Small penises have feelings too.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
