lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
