a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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