Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been sleeping iwht ***

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Nooo

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb

  (816): View more from Missouri

  And then hit her in the face with a shovel

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  (816): He's been sleeping iwht *** (1-816): Nooo (816): Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb (816): And then hit her in the face with a shovel http://tfl.nu/a1q0
  Replies (3) Good night (1179) Bad night (2027)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1241) Bad night (2791)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.

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  (847): my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b. http://tfl.nu/5vrv
  Replies (6) Good night (1085) Bad night (3860)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???

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  (501): he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date??? http://tfl.nu/obkl
  Replies (30) Good night (6476) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

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  (941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store. http://tfl.nu/vfks
  Replies (20) Good night (6285) Bad night (804)
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  (949): View more from California

  I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

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  (949): I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar. http://tfl.nu/limh
  Replies (8) Good night (4725) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

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  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12933) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?

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  (248): Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain? http://tfl.nu/gohm
  Replies (10) Good night (2590) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

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  (239): im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me. http://tfl.nu/81g0
  Replies (12) Good night (1988) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.

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  (303): When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over. http://tfl.nu/ei9w
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.

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  (817): He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more. http://tfl.nu/2a37
  Replies (8) Good night (462) Bad night (1266)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

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  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
  Replies (12) Good night (1531) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.

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  (289): Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes. http://tfl.nu/y1u0
  Replies (9) Good night (440) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.

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  (609): I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me. http://tfl.nu/juje
  Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney

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  (919): I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney http://tfl.nu/wjc0
  Replies (7) Good night (296) Bad night (486)

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