I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.